saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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