So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
