he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We don't watch enough power rangers
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
