I showed him my bush... on skype.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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