i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I CAN MOONWALK!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
