I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
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