Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
