Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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