i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
