I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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