All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
