u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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