pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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