They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
