You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
