She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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