i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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