Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize