My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
someone owes me an orgasm
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize