Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
