where does the pee come out of this thing
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
