I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
