He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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