why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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