How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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