you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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