Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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