I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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