I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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