The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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