i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
