I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
