He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
