Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Randomize
