i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
