I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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