1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
