So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
