I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
