I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
