after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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