I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
