to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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