You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Randomize
