fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
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We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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