so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
