dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
