I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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