This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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