Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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