you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Randomize
