i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
