thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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