My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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