yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm just crazy horny about you
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
