I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
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