i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Lo siento on account of my penis...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
