Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I want a musical about memes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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