you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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