Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
