how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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