Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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