we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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