..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
