oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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