He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
