he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
