This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Everything about him screamed your future.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
